I do

Sean and I attended the wedding of our home helper “Abigail” this weekend. Abigail has been working in the home we are renting for about 2 years and with that, supports her 11 year old daughter and now her new husband as well. We have known Abigail since we moved into this house in October, and she is a very loving, warm and hard working Christian woman whom we love to bits. We were honoured to be invited to her wedding after knowing her such a short time , little did we know the “esteem” an employer holds in the life of a domestic worker. It seems we are viewed as a source of blessing to their lives , in more ways then first appear. ( I will get to that)

First you should know that the wedding/reception took place in a township, a very large and dangerous place. The thing about these informal settlements as they are sometimes called, is that they are …informal. There is no GPS to direct you where to go and many places don’t have proper addresses . Like the church for instance! The reception was held at a school which did have an address and we were able to locate on a map. For this reason we thought long and hard about what we would attend and whether or not we could go as a family. In addition to that stress, is the well known reality that “African time” is really uncertain . After much debating over the risks vs reward, we decided that Sean and I would go to the reception only. We were after all honoured guests, though we really didnt underdstand at the time what that meant. As it turned out, both the wedding ceremony and the reception began two hours after the intended time…good call on not bringing the kids!!!

We waited in the car for two hours before the reception began, and then like a flash mob descending , a parade of guests and and wedding party came whooping and cheering into the school yard. Hired dancers burst into the reception to get the crowd excited and in the mood to party. Next came twelve junior bridesmaids/groomsmen, grooving into the gymnasium and down the isle doing a traditional African dance number, followed by twelve bridesmaids /groomsmen strutting their own charismatic choreghraphy. Finally the bride and groom bust their moves onto the scene and the real dance party starts to take place. The M.C announces that the official dance is about to begin and that the bride and groom are avaible to dance with …at a cost. There is an order to all this dancing, first the brides’ family and then the grooms’ , followed by the EMPLOYERS😳. (At this point I start looking for the nearest exit) . Their tradition dictates that while you dance with the newlyweds , you throw money at their feet (or in a bucket). The better you dance ( or in some cases, the crazier ) the more money people throw ! At this point the M.C announces that the newlyweds do not get to sit down until 6000 Rand ( 600$ CND) has been raised to help pay for the wedding. Poor Abigail has been going since the crack of dawn and now Sean and I are up. For those of you who don’t know Sean well, lets just say he’s a little reserved when it comes to dancing…let alone in front of an audience well into the hundreds! And while I have been known to “perform” in my younger days, I would have given anything to disappear at that moment…and my expression conveyed that to the crowd!! So when I channeled my inner Tina Turner and let loose in the most ridiculous white woman shimmy, the crowd went NUTS! This further fueled my “Proud Mary” moment and I was dancing on cold hard cash!! I HAD JOY!!!

I probably don’t need to tell you that with that, the money was raised and Abigail got to sit down and enjoy her celebration.

Here’s the thing, it was important to Abigail and her family that we (her employers ) see that she is a well loved and respected woman in her community . It was also important to Abigail’s community that they meet us and agree that we are good respectable employers. Had we decided not to attend, a shadow would have been cast on her standing , and ours. Abigail would not have been blessed in the same way and we would have missed out on an opportunity of a lifetime. An opportunity for JOY!

Reservations and inhibitions cast aside, we made the best memories !

Carpe Diem

J

p.s There are video bits on instagram and facebook. If you are interested and havent seen them , you can access them through the links on this site.